I'm lost and stupid without you.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
