Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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