First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
