it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I supernannyed him into submission
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
