So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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