Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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