i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
