enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
