DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
