I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
