she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
