I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
