i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
