I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
