i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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