the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
