she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
