when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
