Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
This baby is an asshole
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
