It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
