When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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