My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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