dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
