similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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