I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
