help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
