some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
