...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
