I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
