My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
