Rock
Scissors
Fuck
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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