Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
