Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
