I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I could make wine with my vomit
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
