I'm gonna have a badass scar
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
