What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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