i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
