He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
