but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
now i know why i became what i already was.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
