We need to rekindle our bromance
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i think im in europe. pls send help
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
