So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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