between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
