Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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