She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
