Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
