Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
