I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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