I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
