oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
