dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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