Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
