Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Randomize
