Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
