you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
