My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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