I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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