I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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