I didn't shave. On purpose
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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