I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
