so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Oh god it's open bar.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
