You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
